Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Cont'd from last post!

After Mom and I left the clinic that day with my official diagnosis of MDS, then came the task of telling the family, and getting my brothers tested to see if they were a match. Nobody took the news well, and for about a week there was nothing said about it. I updated my facebook post and there were tons of people there for me. I had those people that were super supportive, super negative, and those that tried to make me consider other options instead of a stem cell transplant.

I went through all the stages of grief, and then finally had to face the cold hard facts that my life was about to change forever. I kept busy with work, my house and other things, (mainly keeping my mind off of the huge monster lurking in the closet).

August 23rd 2013

I had a funny feeling all day (you know a sixth sense) that something incredible was going to happen. The night before I couldn't sleep so I started my day pretty slow, but knew that something was going to happen. That afternoon Bryan called me and said "Christy I'm your match!" I couldn't say anyting, all I did was sob, and scream OMG! Mom, Lindsey and I knew that he was going to be my match. On this date he was a six panel match. We were extremely blessed that Bryan was my stem cell match, because 70% of people who need stem cell transplants none of their siblings match. The future was becoming even more real, and really fast.

October 27th 2013

Bryan had a blood test done to confirm that he was a true match. They tested his last four panels out of his ten panel test and he was a confirmed and perfect match. Now that I knew this it was time to get things in order. I didn't think at 27 years old I would be trying to get a will made, and funeral arrangements put together just in case. I didn't think at 27 years old I would be telling my husband, the man that has been with me through it all, to marry and find love if something were to happen to me. I didn't think at 27 years old I would be telling my Dad and Mom to take care of Zach, and Zach to take care of Dad and Mom if something happened to me. I didn't think at 27 years old there would be this battle that I would have to fight. All I knew was that I wanted everything taken care of (typical older child syndrome) if I left this world.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

It's Been Awhile!

I think I'm finally ready to do this. I'm finally ready to share this journey with other people. I'm finally ready to let people in and I'm finally ready to show people that there is a different side of me now that I have struggled through this amazing journey. Some people have questioned, denied, or sympathized with me during this battle. I guess I don't blame them. I have questioned several times what the hell I just did, and how the hell I just did it. How did I live to tell the tale of this, and why does a disease so cruel take one person but leave another. My faith has been shaken, and I have been mad as hell. I've kicked, screamed, cried my eyes out on the bathroom floor. But the journey was set before me for a reason. My faith is back because I have seen the miracles of what a loving Lord can really do. I didn't think at this age I would be suffering from something so cruel but here is how it began, my journey, my scary, and my wonderful all at the same time.....

August 18th 2012

As I stood in the shower, trying with all my mite to get ready for my friends wedding. I couldn't help but realize how tired and sluggish I was. My body just didn't seem right at all, and I knew there was something terribly wrong. My mom picked me up and also noticed something was wrong, but I just brushed it off as stress and said I would be okay.

About a week later....

I woke up with horrible allergies. I made an appointment with the clinic to get in right away. My regular doctor wasn't in, so I had to see someone else. At the appointment I told her my symptoms and she prescribed me an allergy med. She also questioned why I wasn't on the "pill" and didn't have any kids. I told her that was none of her business, and she said well you should be on something. I refused and walked out. Sorry but that kind of stuff is the last damn thing you want to hear when you are feeling like crap.

Late October....

By October the allergies weren't getting any better and I now had a nasty cough. The doctor did chest x-rays, gave me fluids, and prescribed me hard core antibiotics. By the end of the week there was no improvement, so I just trudged through it and tried to keep busy with life, even though I felt like I would die at any moment. And that isn't even exaggerating.


I was still fighting this crap. I went to the doctor for yet another appointment. The doctor put me back on allergy meds. He then asked why I didn't have any kids and/or not on the "pill"! At this point the only thing that is going through my mind is, "Seriously WTF, get off the subject already!" He then stated to me that as soon as I was better that my husband and I should start working on making a family, as to which I said, "That is not in the plans yet, and why is it so important to you." Quite frankly I find it sick that 2 doctors in a row would be so freaking obsessed with me having kids or not.

Wednesday November 13th 2012.....

Yet again no freaking relief. I was still sick as a dog, and was loosing weight rapidly. I was getting ready for work that morning, and my husband walked in on me changing. He said "Goddamn it Christy you are going to the ER!" So Zach went to work and Mom brought me to the doctor. I was admitted to the hospital with severe pneumonia and a high fever. After several days of giving me fluids and heavy duty antibiotics nothing was working right and they couldn't get the fever to go down. They did a ct scan and my spleen and liver were enlarged (not knowing at the time that this was a symptom of MDS). That following Sunday evening they ambulanced me to Sioux Falls. Before I left I asked the doctor, "Do you think it might be cancer?" She said "I don't know for sure Christy but I'm not going to rule it out." I just knew that it was something and it wasn't good.

Sioux Falls.....
After almost 2 weeks in Sioux Falls, with several procedures, many different doctors, lots of medicine. I finally came home on December 3rd. The sucky part of the whole deal was that I was in the hospital over Thanksgiving. I still remember Lindsey being hugely pregnant and poking her swollen feet. My brother to keep the humor alive thought it would be good to race up and down the haul in the wheel chair yelling, "She's Flat lining!" Yeah they are a rowdy bunch. After 3 weeks of bad there was a miracle to come home to, Baby Corbyn was born on December 4th. Early in the morning. The Lord works in mysterious ways, along with the bad there is always something good that comes out of it.

March 5th 2013....

My Hematologist did a bone marrow biopsy. It would probably help them explain what happened and why I got so sick. Usually a test like that takes a couple weeks, so we went in on March 19th. As Mom and I sat there waiting for the doctor to come in. I knew that the news wasn't going to be good. I just had this gut feeling, a sixth sense maybe that the odds were going to be stacked against me. Dr. McCaul came in and said that they finally had the answer. "Christy you have MDS (Myelodysplastic Syndrome)" I was like ok what is that? Turns out I was going to need a stem cell transplant. Once the news of what it was and how it needed to be treated, I broke down. I was in absolute shock, and I couldn't even form sentences. The grieving process was short lived, all of a sudden they were throwing at me to fill out and explaining what was going to happen next. I was just going through the motions, almost numb to the fact that this was really happening.


Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Working on Me!

These last couple of years have been pretty crazy and hard on the family and I. My child hood home was ruined by a tornado, my Grandpa passed, my health issues have kind of been running rampid, and the depression has been so much fun to deal with.......just kidding. I look back on the last 2 years of my life and have realized through all of the things that have gone on, I'm still here and still surviving and thriving the best that I can.

New memories are being made in a beautiful house that my mom and dad have made a home. My Grandpa is in heaven, and someday we will meet again, and the health issues and depression I have learned to cope with. The road and journey that I have traveled on my whole life, hasen't been and easy one. I think it is something with my genetics and the people in my family but we always try and take the road less traveled, and sometimes make it harder for ourselves, but have stuck by each other no matter what. Although I do have a blood disorder my parents always encouraged me not to give up and set a path for myself that would get me to the goals that I had planned for myself. My parents have been my main caregivers for much of my life and have not given up on me, and stayed by me. My dad almost lost everything paying doctor bills, and I feel like my brothers were cheated out of a childhood, because mom always had to take care of me. My family is a good family and through everything we are still standing strong. Every time I would get sick, my parents would get judged by a family member, saying that I'm not getting the proper treatment, but I was, and my blood disorder is so rare, that how are you to know what treatment is best. My parents did the best that they could and I would not change that for anything.

So that is a little about the we fast forward to the present.

After these last couple of years I have had to push certain people away for 1. not understanding me, 2. judging my parents (you can judge me all you want, but leave my parents alone). 3. invading my privacy, and talking smack. For the people that were in my life up until about 6 months ago, you didn't deserve the time I gave you in the first place. You raked me over the coals, hurt me badly and after all the things and stuff that I have been through in the past, still thought it appropriate to judge me. If you had been true family in the first place we wouldn't have the problem we do today. I was hurt and never got an apolgy. Oh and the necklace I recieved for Christmas was not a gift of love, it was just to boost the ego of the person that hurt me, ya know kind of a "I hurt her, but I want to make myself feel better."

I realized I lashed out but if there was any kind of love there, you would have come to me to try and make it better, but you didn't. Your love comes with conditions, my families love is unconditional. I feel like the people that hurt me put me in the hospital this last fall and made me sick for as long as I was. They put one hell of a weight on a 26 year-olds shoulders, just because they couldn't get along with me or my parents. I was just a spanking boy, because they really wanted to talk to my parents, but never did. I just want to say thank-you for all that you have put me through not because it was fun, but because I have learned who stays beside you through thick and thin and who doesn't. I have no regrets for what I did or said, I'm just the only one who had big enough balls to do it. My own husband tried to fix things and he was ignored.

I'm now 27 and have had to do a lot of living in a short amount of time, and I wouldn't change my life in any way. God didn't give me this situation or blood disorder because he hates me, he gave it to me because he loves me, and wanted me to learn and grow and believe in Him. These situations are hard and I think the thing that hurts the most is that I always have tried with these people and it always ended up hurting me in the end. The best thing I ever did, is distance myself. I don't know how long this will be, but I hope there will be an even better outcome someday. Although I was sick for half a year, and I may have been knocked down, I got back up, dusted myselft off and stood tall.

Sunday, January 23, 2011


I'm really starting to hate facebook and thinking about just being done with it all. It is so impersonal and in the end it makes people get their feelings hurt. You get blamed nowadays for not being on facebook enough, but do people ever realize that you have a job and other things to do before Facebook. Don't get me wrong it can be a good tool for networking, socializing, and having fun. But getting blamed for not being on Facebook all the time when you already stare at a computer for 8+ hours a day, is a little ridiculous! You may have your own views, but I'm allowed ot have mine.

I have usually stuck to just checking my Facebook, after work, sometimes before work, and maybe a couple times on the weekend. People it's really not healthy for you to sit on Facebook! Get out and do something else and plus it's really not good to stare at the computer all day, I have to with my job, but your eyes need a break. I'm not trying to judge anyone, but when did a phone call or a letter become obsolete. It pisses me off how extremely impersonal people have become. (Oh lets go on facebook to see what you are doing, instead of calling someone and making their day just by knowing you care?) What happend to being in the moment on facebook and not in the moment with an actual living, breathing human being.

I want to know what you guys think? Would you rather talk to a person or a screen?

Friday, December 31, 2010

What a Whirlwind Year!

Hey my peeps, hope this year has been good to you and you are looking forward to the next year, which is just hours away!

Our year was great, although there were some downs, there were also a ton of ups, and we got through it all. May 15th I graduated with an Asscoiates of Science Degree for Administrative Assistant from Minnesota West. Now the two years of me being a freaking Zombie were over. And then guess what the hunt for a job was on like donkey kong. LOL.

Zach started trucking over the road this summer, hauling cows out west and down south with my Pops! He enjoys trucking and I knew eventually that someday the diesel fuel would be running through his veins. He is a goofball and really enjoys my dad showing him the ropes of the cattle hauling business, but to me it just sounds like a lot of screwing around. Hee Hee.

On July 10th Zach truned the BIG 25, and Mom and Dad had a good ol' celebration out at the ranch. Dad turned the BIG 50 and Mom and dad together celebrated their 25th Wedding anniversary. It was fun to get loud and rowdy, and watch my mom and dad celebrate a whole different chapter in their lives. Can't wait to see how fun the next 25 are going to be.

On August 9th I found my job and I said good bye Pipestone and hello Brookings. I work at Daktronics and absolutely love it, although very stressful it's good working with people that you like and enjoy. It was only temporary when I started but has now turned into permanent. And this girl can't complain because we get BENEFITS. How freaking awesome is that!

Oh and did I mention in the middle of this crazy, awful, beautiful life we decided to move. Yeah stressful and I don't ever want to do it again. We said good bye to Lake Benton and hello to Farm living. We are renting our house out in Lake Benton and thought we would give this a try. I miss my house in town but am trying to adjust to the crazy farm. Zach is already adjusted as you may know. I mean you can't keep that kid off the farm. LOL. Molly on the other hand is a different story. I don't think she is used to all the goings on at the farm yet.

We also got the wonderful news of two very important ladies in our lives being pregnant. Mary Beth is expecting and so is Zach's sister Ashley. Hope these ladies pop soon I'm ready to see some babies around here. LOL.

The family is doing great, Bryan and Dad are still trucking, Mom is working in Brookings at the nursing home in the rehab department. Brandon is a big bad Senior, and I got the pleasure of taking his senior pics for him. Ladies the kid is a stud! LOL. Lindsey Lou's graduated with her LPN and is working at the vet's hospital in Sioux Falls. The whole gang is still rowdy as ever and make me laugh and wonder where they come up with some of the stuff they do.

Well this ends the breakdown of our year. I hope that everyone of you have a safe and happy new year.


Wednesday, October 20, 2010

When Is Enough Truely Enough!

I don't understand how some people's bad behavior just gets rewarded over and over. I have tried so many times to understand this concept but just can not figure it out. I really have never understood and to tell you the truth I don't even want to know. These people don't realize the hurt that their words can cause someone, and the bad memories that it leaves. And I can't figure out why somebody says somthing to them. After being humiliated in public and bad mouthed you think somebody would just stand up and say hey I don't appreciate the way you treat me.

Maybe the reason for not sticking up to these two people in particular is because the aftershock of them getting pissed off and throwing a fit, is crazy and its just better off to take the hurt and humiliation then stand up for yourself and tell them fly a freakin kite. Or maybe its because the love that you think you are trying to keep for these people is winning over and that is why you don't say anything. But if you love them should you let them act this way toward you? These two people definately suffer from anger issues, and I know that I have in the past, but I hope that people realize what bullshit these people are when they see them. You can either change your anger problem like I did or choose to let it take over your life like they did.

I thought I would find it impossible to forgive the words of hurt, but I have just for the simple fact that hate is so strong it can take over your life. My life is going great right now and I have come to realize that I don't need bitter, money hungry, unhappy people in my life. Zach and I probably have what maybe 100 dollars to our name right now, but we are happy and wouldn't want it any other way. There are days that I wish I could have money like the two bitter people I am talking about but in the end I realize money doesn't buy happiness and is the root of all evil and cannot buy someone's love. Over the years they have tried to buy my love, but what do I remember most, its not the presents but the compassion that I was never shown by these to people.

Mom and Dad have warned me about these people when I was little and thought that I would turn to the darkside and always try to be with them, but in the end mom and dad you won, and I don't believe the bullshit that they are trying to feed me. You guys have raised me right and with good values, I'm just sorry that those family members have never treated any of us like family. I'll admit there are times when I get so made I could spit nails, but would never take my anger out on somebody by humiliating them. So people the jokes on you! I'm done with you and that is what you wanted in the end, so good bye for now and when you start treating me and the family around with love and compassion I'll see you then, but for now I'm truly better off without you.

So I leave you all with this thought. Life hasn't always been easy for any of us, but do you have a family member or friend that is suffering from anger? What are you going to do, and how are you going to do it? Are you going to say good bye or keep getting humiliated or are you going to stick up for yourself? Please whatever you do don't off them. LOL. Just joking, but if there was a chance that you could help them would you or would getting hurt give you the reason for staying away?

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Saddle Up and Hang on!

Most of you have probably read my quote on FB if not its a quote that Pam and I stumbled upon at the State Fair this year, its by John Wayne, and its, "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyways!" There are many things in life that scare both me and everyone out there, but we know that we have to take the path that isn't traveled very often, although it might be scary, we have to do. With the Lord by your side, you will have to someday saddle up and take a journey that will scare you, but always know that he is right beside you every step of the way.

Zach and I have been on a crazy journey for the last three years of marriage, not knowing what life will throw at us, and knowing that it has been scary along the way, I know that we will make it. There have recently been some big decisions in our life, and by making them together and sticking to them it has made the ride a little less scary. Courage to do what you have to do can take you by surprise. I had to have courage to go back to school, to get better when not feeling well, and I'm going to need a whole lot of courage in the next couple of months. Most of you know the big decisions that are being made, but some of you are questioning the big descisions that are being made. Please don't question them, we think we know what we are doing, and hey if we get knocked flat on our butt, well then we learned our lesson.

I just want to thank everyone that has stood beside us while making these descisions! It takes courage to stand beside the ones you love, and I truly apprceciate it. So remember when you are going through hell there is always someone there for you! I have had to learn that lesson, take it down a notch and not worry so much, because He is always standing beside me and courage is what it takes to make it!